I confess: I read it!

And here I thought I had been doing so well with my determination not to read the manuscript; my determination until she published a final product.

But I caved. I caved big time.

For anyone living under a rock - or not deeply immersed into all things Twilight (which would kind of make me the one living under a rock considering how one group outnumbers another) - not long after the release of her highly anticipated fourth and final installment of the Twilight saga told from the perspective of our favorite girl-next-door Bella Swan, an accidental leak of a project that easily had as much hype leading to it's future release (if not more) left author Stephanie Meyer on a our note and unable to continue writing the way it deserves to be written.

A lot of people that I know gave her flack for announcing that the Midnight Sun, the story of Twilight, the first novel in the series, told form he perspective of everyone's favorite vampire-love-interest, Edward Cullen, was being put on the back burner until a time she felt that she was able to go back to it - if it ever came at all. It just goes to show you how little people realize about the writing process. Authors take their work very seriously, but at the same time every piece that they work on is deeply personal, and Meyer is no exception. She's always been the first to point out that she is very attached to her characters and gets deeply involved and wrapped up in the writing process. She reminds me a lot of myself, I give in everything I have when I'm writing, and I get taken away. My writing, and I can only assumer hers as well, is just another extension of myself, and just the thought of being violated in such a way makes me see red. I don't blame her at all for stating that "If I tried to write Midnight Sun now, in my current frame of mind, James would probably win and all the Cullens would die, which wouldn't dovetail too well with the original story." (read her statement to her fans here).

I respect her for coming out and announcing the postponal of the book as she did, and for the decision to make the partial draft that was leaked available online. She has integrity for herself and her fans, and it's such a shame that this had to happen. I wont lie, I am dying for her to return to the project because I am too addicted to the Cullen's and the world of Twilight to be satiated by what I have available too me now, but I will say this: I can wait! She said in an interview earlier this month that she does plan to return to the project when she feels it's just her and Midnight Sun, and it's not still fresh on everyone's mind, hopefully in 2 years.

My original decision was to ride out the storm, I've waited for things in my life before, and just because this chunk of the future book is now available doesn't mean I wont still buy it in the future, because I most definitely will! But my will-power isn't always on the same page with my brain. I told myself I didn't want it spoiled for myself. I was being so good with it saved to my desktop, but left unopened for months. It was made public on August 28th, 2008 and on November 8, 2008 (at midnight no less) I caved under the pressure.

Yup, that's right, I finally read it. And ...

OH

MY

FREAKING

WORD!!!!!!

It is amazing, even as a "works-in-progress". It was exactly like I had stepped into a world where I had never read Twilight before; a world where I had never even heard of Twilight before. I was being re-introduced to the fictional world that I fell for (so hard I'm surprised I didn't break anything) like it was the first time. It's amazing the directions one story could go when told from different perspectives. Absolutely amazing. Now I'm going to sit here and secretly curse myself because the wait until she finally publishes it is going to be excruciating now, I just now it. BUT, it will be well worth it. And at least I get to distract myself this month, and for days to come, with the release of the movie-adaptation of the first book.

So this is my confession for the day. Too bad I don't feel guilty at all!

TWILIGHT: My guilty pleasure.